•July 26, 2011 • 2 Comments

It has been a good two months since my first post so I decided it was time to write a second post!

I do a lot of thinking while I practice my trumpet so this is how this topic came up.  It became very apparent to me today that I was only becoming frustrated with myself and my playing during my practice sessions.  It could have stemmed from a bad day or me being kind of tired or most likely I was just angry at the way I was playing the trumpet.  Either way, I started thinking about motivation, to be more precise I was thinking about intrinsic motivation.  Intrinsic motivation comes from within, so how does one know they are intrinsically motivated?  I mean, I understand the term but if one thinks about it…how do you know?  It may sound dumb, but when I think about intrinsic motivation I think that someone is so motivated that they would not stop for anything.  If you ARE intrinsically motivated, shouldn’t you be able to stay motivated?  In my case I find it hard to stay motivated, so that’s why this question has come up.  I come across small bursts of motivation that I feed off of for a good week or so, but after that it can fade away as easy as if it were a dream you can’t remember.  Does this mean it was false motivation?  I don’t believe it is, but do other people find it can be the same way?  I would like to think that if I were intrinsically motivated I would be able to supply myself any time I needed a boost, however that is not the case.   Are there little tricks to keeping oneself motivated?  Do you have to keep things interesting in how you get motivated?

Another reason I bring this up is because I feel like I am very externally motivated.  As some of you that may read this know, there are many things that I have been talked into doing(not dumb things or other stuff like that, just larger decisions that would either be a leap of faith or possibly more work for me).  Not because I was intrinsically motivated but because I was pushed into it.  I don’t say that in a bad way either, I just can’t think of a better way to say it.  I just have found that unless I have someone behind me pushing an idea of me being able to do something, then I won’t do it. I am probably at least 75% more likely to do it with that other person planting an idea.  For example, I will hardly ever make the trip to go work out by myself, but if I have someone going with me I will make every effort to be there and push myself more during the work out than I would without someone.  I could think of other ones but that was the easiest example I could come up with.  Is being extrinsically motivated most of the time a bad thing?  That would mean you are never doing anything for yourself, right?  I guess we don’t have to take it to the extremes, but that is kind of how I would think about it.  I guess I would compare being extrinsically motivated to someone having to hold your hand whenever you need it, and intrinsically motivated is you finally becoming independent.  Is that really how I should be looking at both of these forms of motivation?  I am unsure if my view of motivation is a little skewed and if I should change it or not.

I’m sure there is more I could write, but I promised last time I would keep it a little shorter.  Hopefully this post will lead to a few comments!


The first post of many to come….hopefully.

•May 22, 2011 • Leave a Comment

First before I forget, a shot out to my asian friend for helping with the title and I thank my roommate for getting me interested in starting a blog.

So lets get down to it!  I was waiting for a topic that I felt like sharing to begin this blog and I think I finally found it.  The source of my cogitating(yes friends…I just used cogitate in a sentence) is due to the unfortunate passing of my grandma.  Even though this is a great loss for me, I feel as if I have gained much more.

My Uncle and his family were here this past week for my grandma’s service.  The majority of them live in Washington and the other cousin lives in Florida.  My family resides in Wisconsin so you can imagine that I don’t see them much…or at all.  I believe the last time that I had seen both of my cousins was over 12 years ago.  Based off that description I think it should be obvious that I don’t know those family members very well.  Last Tuesday I had flown in from Minnesota and in the afternoon it was planned that we would spend most of the day with my Uncle and Cousins at my Grandmas house.  I didn’t really realize it until we pulled up to the house, but how was I supposed to greet my family?  For all intents and purposes, I was meeting 3 out of the 4 people in that house for the very first time.  Not only did I not know these people, but we were not meeting during the best of times.  I didn’t know how to act or respond, was I supposed to be sad, was I supposed to make everyone feel welcome, or was I just supposed to stay quiet and let the situation unfold on its own?  It is an odd feeling to not know your own family.

Many of my friends are close with their cousins and other extended family.  I don’t have many family  around my age and the ones that are close to my age that I  know of, I am not in close contact with.  For the longest time I wondered how it felt to have family that you were close with and you could actually hang out with.  This is something that I have missed out on and I have been very jealous of those who do have these bonds with their cousins.  This may sound harsh, but I find my extended family around the area kind of dull.  They are my family, I love them…but honestly they aren’t the most interesting to be around.  I have gotten into many discussions with friends on their family situations and I actually enjoy hearing about their family relations, because it is interesting to hear about the interaction between extended family.

Back to the situation with meeting my family.  I don’t want to say that it was awkward, but I would say that the first 10 minutes was somewhat uncomfortable.  It did pass, and the rest of the night was enjoyable, but I don’t think it was until the next few days that I finally realized what had happened.  Over the next two days I was able to connect with my cousins and became very comfortable with my family.  I spent Wednesday night at my grandmas service with my cousins and Thursday afternoon/evening which was their final day in Wisconsin.  I don’t think I have ever had so much fun spending time with my family than I did in those two days.  There were many instances where we realized we had the same interests.  The best realization and most refreshing was that we all had the same sense of humor.  I can’t express how refreshing that was to find out I could joke with my family because until the past week…I didn’t know anyone in my family understood the definition of sarcasm.

I didn’t think anything could surprise me after Wednesday, but hanging with my family on Thursday I was thrown for another loop. It wasn’t until late Thursday that I noticed how close my sister and I had grown to my cousins.  I had a whopping 3 days with my cousins and I felt as if I knew them.  It can take me 3 days to finally remember someones name that I had just met.  I didn’t need to know what happened in their lives for the past 21 years of mine, it was as if I knew them from birth.

We said our goodbyes Thursday night and to be honest it was kind of hard.  I knew once I got in the car what I had found.  I found the acceptance of family when I had least expected it.  I had long forgot about that dream of having a family I could spend time with and enjoy sharing our own experiences.  This week reignited that dream and I intend to keep this dream a reality.  I can now share with friends how awesome I think my cousins are, and how much fun we have…and hopefully will have.  It is something I never thought I would be able to say.  As we drove away Thursday night I kept thinking how awesome this was, and yet after saying goodbye it felt as if I had lost something I just found.  In reality its kind of true, we all go back to our separate lives in our separate states and go back to doing separate things.  However, nothing can replace the past week and I know the future holds more plans to catch up with each other.  So…in a nutshell…that was my week.

I know, this is pretty deep.  Some people that read this may not even know I was capable of thinking these things, but that is why I started a blog…so that some people may get to look into my life even if it is just a small taste.   Thank you for reading this and hopefully my next posts will be shorter and not so deep.

The beginning of my blogging experience!

•May 22, 2011 • 1 Comment

Hello everyone…of course, that assumes that there are people out there reading this.  If you are happening to come across this blog, I would just like to give a little insight as to what this blog is all about:

So you may be wondering what BAMFT stands for…I couldn’t come up with anything else so I went with Bad Ass Mother F****** Trumpet.  If you can’t tell…I play trumpet.  If you have suggestions for a new name let me know but for now this is what I’m sticking with.

As for what I will be writing about, basically I would like to use this as an outlet for talking about things I have experienced or thought about that I might like feedback on.  Of course I don’t expect feedback on a lot of things but most of these things are stuff I wouldn’t normally share because they are not something discussed in a normal social situation.  However just because it may not be discussed in normal social conversation doesn’t mean some people won’t take an interest into what I write about, so this is my motivation to start a blog.  I do a lot of thinking once in a while and sometimes it can be worth it to get some feedback…so…here it goes…